It's Brokey

So... It's been a hard week. First I cut myself slicing tomatoes (Tor sharpened the knives so it's his fault) and then I broke my Toe. Which is also Tor's fault. Here's how:

I was going pee and I heard the phone ring. I was so excited to talk to someone other than Lars who only says jibber-jabber, points, and sometimes whines that I jumped up off the toilet (I was done) and ran with my pants around my ankles to the next room. Well, I tripped over my pants and when I went to correct myself I accidentally kicked the door, wedging the jam in between my pinkie toe and the toe next to it. My pinkie went right. The rest of my foot stayed left. I answered the phone and Tor simply said Hi. Like he had no idea what just happened. Like he had no idea how much trouble I went thru just to answer the phone.

I thought I had just jammed my toe, so while cussing I looked at it and said, "Oh man Tor-- I just broke my toe."

"Nuh-uh". Pause. "Are you serious?"

"Well... It's pointed the wrong direction. I think so. Crap, do I have to go to the hospital? It's just a toe?"

"Yeah, I think you should, I'll ask my attending and you ask Julia. Call me back".

After four doctors and a PA told me to go to the ER I reluctantly did. I knew they were just going to tape it to the other one, but you should always listen to a medical professional, and really listen to five. I hobbled to the car (parked 1/2 mile away because I'm too cheap to pay for parking and way too cheap to pay for a cab) and drove myself to the ER with Lars because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone, where I valeted said car and checked myself in. They took xrays, lidocained my toe, pulled it out and taped it to my other toe. Easy-peasy afternoon. My discharge instructions were to wear hard soled shoes and not exercise, and if it turns blue and gets cold to come back in.

I am such a sucker.

Lessons learned:
1. Do not run for phone when peeing. No one is that important.
2. ALWAYS shave your legs.
3. If you know in your heart that "they" are just going to tape your toe, listen to your heart and stay at home.
4. This is the most important: ALWAYS refuse lidocaine. That stuff burns like Hell. It was worse than child birth. Just have then yank it like in the old west. Worse case scenario you wake up later having passed out from the pain.

Other notes:

Tor later told me he knew that's all they were going to do, but he didn't want to be the one responsible if my toe ended up looking weird for life. Just like a Dr. to think of himself and HIS bottom line even with his own wife. I'm totally suing!

The triage nurse had no sense of humor or any personality what-so-ever. If you don't watch it honey, "they're" gonna replace you with a cost saving machine.

My phone dictionary only has brokey in it and not broken. Apparently it was programmed... not here. (Maybe someone from the deep south reads my blog, I don't want to offend)

I am just another example of the whole you can bring a horse to water but can't make it drink phenom. Even if we somehow manage to insure all of the U.S. (which I'm not opposed to, all you "crazy" liberals out there who think just because I'm skeptical of the current ideas in congress I must be a hard-hearted neo-religious zealot) how are we going to make sure that they/we don't all continue to utilize the highest costing path (the ER) for simple little toe problems???? If I had a PCP and a neighborhood clinic I would have totally called them and asked their advice. But I don't and I probably won't. I'm not proud, just an example.

The end. Rant over.

It's Been a Long Time Baby

So sorry to have kept my readership hanging, but it has been a busy time in the Sand-Bottom household. Yes... that is the first tidbit of news-- Tor and I have decided to modernize our name and household and hyphenate. We will now be Dr. and Mizz Tor & Leah Sand-Bottom, Lars will also be a Sand-Bottom, or in his case a Sand/Poo-Bottom :~ Just kidding... we will stay the Sandvens, for now anyway.

We have had a delightful summer hanging with friends and family, new and old, and reminiscing about this time last year when a screaming, peeing, pooping machine entered our lives (and our hearts) and forever changed us.


Lars was born LAST August and one whole crazy year has already gone by. Little did we know (like every prospective parent) how much this little person would change our lives. I also realize how easy I could take this all for granted. I can easily see myself one day waking up on the sofa in a strange hotel room in a wine-induced haze, realizing that my son has just married the girl of his dreams (and hopefully not my nightmares) and the last fifty years have just flown by. (Yes I meant fifty. It's my fantasy and in it Lars lives at home until then.) So I have decided to remind myself of all the wonder-filled moments of the last year in one simple paragraph.


Water breaks in hot-tub, rush to the hospital, epidural please! Baby Lars is born at 4:40 am on the 4th, rush home, Tylenol with codeine please! This thing is ours? Sleep please?! Pee on the floor, pee on the bed, pee on dad, poo on the floor, poo on the bed, aren't diapers supposed to keep this stuff in? First smile, first laugh, roll to the front, roll to the back, first trip, first crawl, sleep please? First solid food, man that poop smells, first surgery, standing up, falling down, first steps, first word (maybe?). First birthday. Sleep pretty please???


My sweet little Lars,
Someday when you are grown up and read this (if the internet is still around and if someone hasn't deleted this blog) I hope you get how much your dad and I love you. I mean, hopefully we've told you a lot, and this isn't your first inkling, more like a final affirmation that you are LOVED. We loved you before you had a personality, or good looks, or a sense of humor, or monetary value. We loved you before you could love us back. When the world tries to convince you that love is for all those other things, all those other reasons, remember that you were loved before you were formed, that you were made by God and entrusted to us, and that we loved you when you pooped yourself.

Love, Mom and Dad

Here are a few more pics from the summer:

Camping with Jan, Ann-Mari, and cousin Sara

Lars' prison

That is the cutest outfit ever!!! Nice present too.

Lars helping his dad install the baby safety devices with a power drill

Lars pretending to be an Orangutan

Me and Jeanne

Jeanne and Lars slippin' and a slidin'

First Kiss

We met this little baby outside of our apartment building the other day. She was VERY taken with Lars and he with her. They literally (Tor hates that word, but I think I am using it correctly... all you ESL'ers out there can let me know) couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Lars' exuberance usually scares away the opposite sex, but she couldn't get enough of him. We think it would be totally awesome if they met up 20 years from now.

I'm Ba-ack

We had a great time vacationing in California. Michael died the day before we left and so we thought about making a short detour to neverland, but it is a winding 2 lane highway and traffic was gonna majorly suck, so we decided to honor the king of pop by pandora-ing his classics instead. I will have some awesome stories about bear cannon's to follow but I just wanted to let all my loyal blog followers know (I guess I'm mostly talking to myself) that we made it back safe and sound.

Californ-i-a

Yeah!!!

We are going to Cali for two whole weeks! We are all so excited. San Francisco, Santa Barbara, Wine Country and Yosemite here we come. I am sure I will have many Gulliver like tales to tell. The car is packed, the houseplants will soon go in the bathtub for an experiment in hydroponics, and we will be driving at night so that Lars will sleep. Wish us luck!!

Happy Father's Day

I have 2 people to give a shout out to--

First MY dad. He's totally awesome. As most know my mom has MS and he has to do a lot of extra work to make sure the house runs smoothly and my mom is taken care of. My dad shows every day that he knows what marriage is really about. He has stuck by my mom's side when most men would... not have. To say the least. Not to say that they have the perfect marriage or that my dad is the perfect parent, but isn't that what life's about? Dealing with what you've been given, making the most of it, and at the end of the day knowing that what you did may not have been easy, or perfect, but it was what was right. That's my dad... Ethical to a fault, very selfless, extremely patient, generous (even when he grumbles about it) and he sure loves his daughters.

I love you daddy, Happy Father's day!

My second shout out is to the love of my life, my best friend, the funniest, silliest, smartest, smelliest guy I've ever known... Tor. He's not my dad, but he's my baby daddy, or Daddoo as Lars likes to call him, and he deserves some major accolades for all he does. Not only does he work REALLY hard at his job, really hard at being a dad, and really hard at being a husband, he does it without complaining. I'm not joking. Maybe it's because I'm too busy complaining for the both of us, but he goes to work, enjoys it, comes home and helps with the baby, listens to me complain about how much work the baby is, helps with dinner, listens to me complain about how hard making dinner is, and then helps clean up. He is patient, kind, brilliant, humble, easy going, generous of his time, and he would do anything for a friend, neighbor, or family member. He loves Lars and I, and shows us every day.

Now, so this doesn't get too mushy, he does have his flaws: he leaves his socks by the bed, he leaves beer bottle caps on the counter, he is lactose intolerant and still eats way too much dairy, he digs stuff out of the trash and brings it home, he won't let me throw away leftover anything, he is so ticklish I can't get near any part of his body without him convulsing, he says "like" way too much, he likes to correct my grammar, he interrupts my stories with a billion questions, he flails his arms violently when he talks, he can sleep thru the baby screaming bloody murder, and he has webbed toes.

However, I want my son to be just like him.

I love you Daddoo!

My Apologies

Tor said my last post was very sassy and he was shocked at my use of foul language. I thought about changing it, but decided that like brief nudity on TV, it was necessary to the story. Instead I offer my apologies. To those of you who have never heard nor used either of the four letter words I refer to, my most heartfelt regrets that my silly blog has compromised you. To those that expected better of me-- you should have heard me during the hike.