Directional Water Faucets

I have always envied the male "water faucet" for one simple reason: public restrooms. No woman wants to use one, no man is afraid of one. That is because our equipment only goes one direction while the male species can use theirs in any sort of fun manner, including snow art. I USED to be envious... until my small son (who doesn't know how to control his yet) started peeing in his own face. I would blame my lack of knowledge in this area, except it has happened when Tor is changing him too. Here's the scenario: Lars has a dirty diaper and like all responsible parents we try to change the diaper, we TRY... As we are lifting his little bottom to clean all surface areas, we hear noises from up above. We put down the legs and Lars is sputtering and crying a little and there is wetness everywhere. One time-- a fluke, three times-- and maybe we need to look into some sort of cover up. The peepee teepee has been recommended. Anyone with a similar equipment failure have suggestions? 'Cause like I said, mine only goes in the one direction.

Lars loves to suck his dad's finger. He actually grabs it and directs it towards his mouth.

Tor and fellow male baby handlers.

Grandma Ann and Lars

Papa Lasse with grandchildren

Grandma D with Lars

Grandpa T!

Diarrhea at the Opera

Tor and I took Lars to the park for some culture. Apparently Lars does not like culture. We were sitting there enjoying the live music and eating some tasty gyros when little Lars started fussing. I picked him up to inconspicuously feed him under my "hooter hider" when I noticed a little brown on his leg. I asked Tor where it came from-- to which I got an you're an idiot look. Little did I know that the entire back half of Lars was brown. Tor scooped him up along with diaper bag and blanket (he has a little super hero in him) and took him away to get cleaned up. I looked down and noticed the front of my shirt had two wet spots where my ginormous boobs usually are. So, I followed my menfolk out of the park to a bench. By the time I got there Tor was sweating profusely and Lars was contentedly enjoying the balmy summer air. We proceeded to enjoy the music while looking at the beautiful roses in complete privacy.

We did notice that Lars had poop on his back and neck a little later. We have no idea how it got THERE.

Lars in the big kids bed.

Drunk on milk

Our check up with my best friend Julia. Lars was back to birth weight!

Welcome Lars!

Lars Thomas Sandven entered the world at 4:40 am on August 4th. He is probably the cutest baby ever born, I have to admit. I was a little worried because I am pretty critical of babies and kids, and so it would be fitting for me to have an ugly kid. Tor and I worried he would be late and our families would miss seeing him so we tried every possible way of him coming out early. I bought tea and we walked and yes... other things. In the end all it took was some berry pickin' and a hot tub.

Here's how that story goes. On the 3rd of August Tor and I decided to go to Sauvie Island in Portland to pick berries. It was super hot and afterward I didn't feel very good. We headed home and decided to get in the hot tub for a few minutes while our homemade berry ice cream was brewing. We were sitting in said hot tub when all of a sudden I felt a small gush. I wondered to myself "self, did I just pee, no I think not". I do sometimes pee in hot tubs and pools, as every honest person will admit, just like we ALL pick our nose and fart, but, I digress. So I leaned over and whispered to Tor "How do you know if your water breaks in the hot tub?" He whispered back "I just read that question, it will keep leaking...". "Well" I said, "I think it just broke." Then we hurriedly got out of the hot tub. To understand better, I should explain that it is a community hot tub and there are never any people in it... ever. But tonight there were three other people. One girl said as I stood up, "Oh, you were hiding a little surprise under there weren't you!" I just smiled and thought to myself-- more than you want to know. We waddled down to our apartment with a towel between my legs and I hopped in the shower to make sure it wasn't me just peeing uncontrollably. Come to find out my water did break. Seven hours later little Lars entered the world and the chlorine sufficiently cleaned the hot tub. No, I did not tell any one who lives in this building what happened, nor do I plan on it. Luckily we aren't friends with anyone who lives here, so we don't have to explain why WE aren't getting in the hot tub for a while :)

Footnote: We ate the ice cream two days later when we came home from the hospital.

Hands stained with evidence of our berry thievery

Hiding the bump with berries

Baby Lars just seconds old

Our happy family

Lars could hold his head up almost immediately

He has webbed toes just like dad!

Going home from the hospital

Tor and Lars asleep

Lars is four days old!

Lars' first bath

Seriously?

I fell down yesterday. Crossing the street. It hurt real bad. The worst part is that I am hugely pregnant and wearing those stupid maternity pants that fall down at the drop of a hat, so when I went down so did they. There I was was laying on the ground, crying like a baby with my butt crack hanging out, and everyone stopping to see if I need help. I think everyone thought I was in labor. They kept offering to call an ambulance for me... or a cab. I couldn't stand up because then my butt would really be hanging out, but none of the "good Samaritans" would leave. Finally I just gave in and let Tor pull me up. Everyone got to see everything, and I hobbled to an alcove where I cried uncontrollably in embarrassment. Apparently the womb is well insulated because the kid didn't even flinch. I was hoping I'd at least break my water or have contractions or something for all my lost dignity. Nothin'. The best part was that when they were asking if we needed an ambulance I was thinking: see the guy in the bright red shirt that reads "I pigged out at Fat Boy's Pork Palace"-- he IS a doctor. Oh, and I scraped my knee. Sad.


Picture of me after I'd fallen, the crowds of onlookers have been cropped, as have my butt cheeks :)

Finally!

We are in Portland and we have furniture! We road tripped up Hwy 1 along the California and Oregon coasts to our new "digs" here in Portland. Unfortunately the moving company we used took their time transporting our things the 800 miles from Santa Barbara to Portland (we found out later that all moving companies suck and it has been suggested that they are run by the mafia... if there are any mafioso reading this blog, please improve your customer service, i.e. get our stuff to us on time). Three weeks after saying goodbye to my bed, I finally got to jump on it in glee. We love our apartment. It's right in downtown Portland in an area called the Pearl District. We are all settled now so Baby Lars can show up at any time. Hint, hint baby...


Redwood Forest National Park. That's one big... (you can fill in the blank)


Sonny and Christine drove up to visit for the fourth. We wanted them to be house guests but only had one air mattress. And, yes, I know, this is a truly horrible picture of me, but I think it shows my total self-confidence to post it anyway.


Visiting Tor's college buddy Brian in Palo Alto.


At the Ranch with Grandpa Bill and Aunt Emily.


Throwing cobs off the porch at the ranch, it's a McCutchan family tradition.


Visiting Tor's Aunt Linda, Uncle John, and cousin Amanda in Eureka. Apparently it is part of California's pot mecca Humbolt County. I didn't smell anything in the air though.

A Tribute to Santa Barbara

There is something in California called June gloom. Who knew? Honestly-- it's not too gloomy, just some overcast skies in the mornings with a nice dew that wets everything down. It's the worst weather there is in Santa Barbara, besides an occasional winter rain storm. I'm telling you this because it's juney gloomy out right now, and I just saw on the news that Seattle is having the coldest June week EVER recorded. I am supposed to be packing stuff for our move to Portland but we ran out of tape and I can't lift anything heavy so I'm stuck. I could walk to the store but I'd have to cross railroad tracks and go under the freeway, and I don't want to. So here I am.

When we moved to Santa Barbara we were convinced that we would never take the weather for granted or skip a single day at the beach. Funny thing... a year changes you a lot. Just yesterday I grumbled for a good 10 minutes about Tor making me walk on the beach instead of the path because it was high tide and the sand was soft and the wind was blowing and the seaweed smelled, yada yada.

Santa Barbara is a crazy town full of crazy people. It's almost exactly like that Soap Opera that used to be on. The prices are exorbitant and the people are outlandish. There is no Target or Walmart, or any other discount store for that matter. There is a Costco in the next town over, thank goodness. The maternity store on the "fancy" street sells jeans on sale for $200 and we never leave our favorite breakfast place without spending at least $25 bucks for the two of us. Winter is super fun here cause all the cute girls and their cute moms pull out the matching Uggs and wear them with everything. I get shivers just seeing the girls in their mini skirts and Ugg boots. I have personally sworn to never wear them just on the principle of the matter. The doctor who did my ultrasound had a picture of Oprah in his office. Her trainer had a baby and she came to visit. He says that she is very kind and down-to-earth and that Santa Barbara is her favorite place to live because no one treats her like a celebrity here. (snort).

I like Santa Barbara because it feels like we have been on vacation for a year. Granted we had to work, but every minute we had off was filled with various vacation activities: picnics on the beach, whale watching, ice cream on the wharf, wine tasting, surfing, etc. Working wasn't so bad either. I got to see Tor every day, and the hospital is pretty nice. They are currently measuring the hospital rooms to fit them with flat screen plasma TV's. The whole hospital has wood flooring and they just remodeled the cafeteria in a nice designer green. Did I mention they are tearing the whole thing down to build a brand-new hospital? Told ya-- wacky.

When people here find out we are moving to Portland there are two reactions: "Oh I hear that's a cool city" or more likely they look at us with extreme pity. Little do they know we actually chose this crazy path we're headed down.

I'm excited for Portland. I'm excited for the seasons and mountains and the beautiful greenness of the whole place. I'm excited to not pay sales tax, and stay in bed on gloomy days instead of feeling guilty because the sun is shining again. Mostly I am excited to be closer to family and friends and feel like part of a community. But I will miss Santa Barbara.

Family Ties

Tor and I spent the morning morphing our pictures to figure out what our future progeny will look like. Here is the final product:


What a cute baby we will make! We are hoping Lars ends up looking a little like this :)

The toddler years should go well!

Hopefully this heinous creature has a great personality and is super smart cause no one is gonna wanna marry this thing.

You too can see if you should reproduce at: www.morphthing.com